James Martini archive

Tag : jyllian (5)

Ten seconds, twenty years ago

Categories: Family
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Published on: November 20, 2011

One afternoon in the early 90s I was walking on the 3rd St Promenade in Santa Monica with my friend Heather when I heard what can only be described as the sound of unadulterated joy. A little girl, about three years old, was getting her face licked by a friendly dog and laughing like only a child can laugh. It was my memory of that moment that eventually led to my wife noticing me and eventually to having a daughter of my own.

I’m going to go tickle her now.

It’s Like Deja Vu All Over Again

Categories: Buddhism, Family
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Published on: August 20, 2011

I’ve been an asshole today. It started out okay, I went out this morning and picked up donuts for my daughter and also surprised my sister-in-law and niece with some as well. There was some confusion regarding what Jyllian wanted and what I thought they were called so I picked her up a big cinnamon roll. Pickings were scarce and the bakery was like a combination mob scene and Running Man food riot.

Anyway, I was feeling all good about myself and puffed up with what a good Dad and all around great guy I was when I brought Jyllian coffee and the cinnamon roll. What I didn’t remember was that she’d gotten sick after eating a cinnamon roll a couple weeks before. She said “ugh” as her stomach rolled over and handed the plate to Emily which completely let all the air out of my inflated self esteem. I didn’t get the praise and accolades I was looking forward to. How dare she!

With my vanity wounded I barked out something that inadvertently hurt her feelings and went downstairs to nurse my bruised ego. I ended up working out in the yard; mowed the grass, cleaned up dead leaves, watered the plants and moved the woodpile to it’s new location, holding on to my anger and wounded pride the entire time. I finally had to come in as it was after noon, over a hundred degrees and I was flirting with heat stroke.

After a shower and some water I sat down in my office to finally have a cup of coffee and that cinnamon roll while I read only to find that Zak had vomited hair into the top air vent of my desktop computer. All the anger came rushing back and I spent the next hour cleaning my office and generally barking at anyone who came within twenty feet of me. I got my office clean but made my daughter cry and barked “I’m not angry!” at Jyllian which would have been funny at any other time.

The girls went out to go swimming while I continued to work on my office and clean up the house. With the quiet and lack of targets for me to blame for my assholery I had to admit that I was the one acting out and that my girls had been trying to find a way to help me feel better.

I’d love to say that I’ve learned and grown from this experience but to be honest this isn’t the first time I’ve just been a general ass to everyone around me simply because things weren’t going my way or I’d had my pride stepped on. Next time maybe I’ll pull my head out of my ass a little more quickly though.

I txted Jyllian an apology and spent some time hanging one of the strings of prayer flags she and Emily got me for Father’s Day which have been buried in the general chaos of my office. I also made space for another present that Jyllian got me, my Buddha Board, by putting my desktop machine under my desk where the cat can’t vomit on it as easily.

Tibetan prayer flagsI’ll hang the second string soon but have to trim the evil holly bush with the sharp leaves before I can get a clear run from the house to the tree. I’m sure there’s some lesson lurking in that statement but, to be honest, I’m a little too wiped out at the moment to try being profound.

I secretly envy Wil Wheaton’s beard.

Categories: Family
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Published on: August 14, 2011

Me: I should probably shave before church.
Jyllian: Maybe
Me: I don’t know, the stubble does make me look roguish.
Jyllian: …
Me: It’s all right, you can say yes.

Memento redux

Categories: Journal
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Published on: March 29, 2011

Jyllian and I were talking the other day and she mentioned the “bug sack”. The “bug sack” was a set of green baby pajamas with little bees on it for the infant Emily but it didn’t have legs. It was just a sack on the bottom like the PJs Sweet Pea wore in the old Popeye cartoons but was my favorite thing to dress Emily in. I’d completely forgotten about it.

I’ve always sort of looked as life as pouring through me like water through a sieve. Sometimes things stick and change how it flows but mostly days are ephemeral things. Maybe it’s because I’m getting a little further on in years and I know that I won’t be around forever to sieve time’s passage but I wonder what it is that I no longer remember and whether I have too large a set of gaps in that sieve.

I know that I need to spend more time keeping track of what happens if only so I’ll have reminders of what my life was when I’m to old to remember without assistance.

Since it’s been a while, here’s the short list of things:

  • Emily is doing well with her choir
  • Making a concerted effort to get the yard under control
  • Quit EVE, started Rift, stopped Rift, playing EVE
  • Eating about 80% primal
  • Lost probably 15 pounds in the last three months.
  • Grumpiness is fading and seems to be replaced with a sunnier outlook but that could just be spring
  • Planning to run a guild in Star Wars: The Old Republic
  • Work is still work
  • Halloween work needs to get underway soon

What I did over the weekend.

Categories: Life
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Published on: February 28, 2010

But it was for a good reason as I was helping Kurt and Tanya move into their new place. It’s really nice and the view from their deck is going to be amazing in the spring and autumn. Emily spent the afternoon playing with Annie and I helped move stuff from the old house to the new. I may end up going bow hunting with Kurt this autumn if the whole diet and exercise plan pays off. I’d considered working out when I got home but was pretty wiped out and still sore from Thursday.

Jyllian has been sick with the stomach flu or something so we stuck close to home on Sunday. I read a chapter out of my python book, got some other reading done, goofed off on EVE, puttered around the house and looked after my girls.

My diet pretty much sucked on Saturday. Sunday was a little better.

I start running again tomorrow. I’m really not looking forward to it.

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