Since I don’t want to completely overload my legs, I’m holding off lifting weights until C25K is complete in June but there’s no reason I have to absolutely neglect my upper body while I learn to run again. Enter 100 Pushups which is a 7 week program intended to get you to the point where you can do 100 consecutive pushups. That officially starts next week on Tue, Thu, and Sat. When it’s complete I’ll move back to lifting weights with Stronglifts.

Jyllian and I talked about me doing the set of tattoos I’ve been thinking about for a few years and it makes sense to tie getting them to hitting some of my goals/achievements. So when I complete C25K I’ll get the first tattoo in the set of 8: the eight auspicious symbols.

I could probably mark a few achievements off that list but since I wasn’t doing them intentionally it sort of feels like cheating so I’ll have to start keeping track of what’s in progress in a more intentional way.

Achievements in Progress:

• Run Fatso, Run!
• Nablopomo
• Stay Away for Seven Days

I should probably start this series of blog entries with the disclaimer that I am not a scholar, expert or in any way to be looked to as an authority on anything. This is first and foremost an exercise in regular writing and a means by which I can identify gaps in my own knowledge for future study.

The first on the Buddhist list of lists is the three Jewels, the three things that lie at the heart of Buddhism: the Buddha, the Dhamma* and the Sangha. Different traditions and sects have a variety of ceremonies regarding officially becoming a Buddhist but when you strip everything extraneous away it comes down to little more than a simple statement of commitment to awakening usually in the form of “taking refuge”.

Taking refuge is best described as looking for shelter from the pain and vicissitudes of life. People do it all the time and in a variety of ways, in the US it’s mostly by seeking distraction. Taking refuge for a Buddhist, however, is a statement both of faith and intent. Faith that through study and effort we can perceive our true nature, the nature of the world around us and, in doing so, free ourselves from pain, fear, worry and doubt as well as the intent to pursue that end.

Taking refuge in the Three Jewels generally goes something like this:

I go to the Buddha for refuge.
I go to the Dhamma for refuge.
I go to the Sangha for refuge.

We take refuge with the Buddha as our teacher who points the way. We take refuge in the teachings of the Buddha as a guide, in it’s study, and practice. Finally we take refuge in the community of monks and fellow Buddhists.

As the first Jewel, the Buddha is pretty self explanatory. The Buddha was the awakened teacher who realized the nature of suffering**, its source and how to be free of it.

The second Jewel is the Dhamma i.e. the teachings of the Buddha recorded in the various sutras and commentaries. Essentially this is the roadmap.

The third Jewel is the community of Buddhists. Technically this probably meant the the community of monks but those are few and far between. I’ll settle for simply meeting up with a small group of local Buddhists for discussion and meditation.

Driven by fear they go to many a refuge, to mountains and forests, to parks and tree shrines.

That is not the secure refuge, not the supreme refuge, that is not the refuge, having gone to which, you gain release from all suffering & stress.

But when, having gone to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha for refuge, you see with right discernment the four noble truths:

suffering, the cause of suffering, the cessation of suffering, and the noble eightfold path that leads to the end of suffering.

That is the secure refuge, that is the supreme refuge, that is the refuge,
having gone to which, you gain release from all suffering & stress.

Dhammapada 188-192

* I tend to use dhamma and dharma interchangeably, the first is Pali, the second Sanskrit. Tomato / Tomahto
**I’ll go on about why I hate using the word suffering in another post

• Stay away for 7 days – Give up soda for a week
  I’ve already done this one but didn’t really do it intentionally so that probably doesn’t count.
• Starter diet – Give up fast food for a month
  Shouldn’t be hard as long as “over the coals” chicken from AQ doesn’t count as fast food if I bring it home and serve it with side dishes.
• Grasshopper – Meditate 30 minutes every day for 7 consecutive days
  I’m great during the work week but it’s the unstructured time on the weekends that always blows this for me.
• Nablopomo – Post in my blog every day for 30 days
  I didn’t do the official one but with the list of lists I just posted I can do a Buddhism blogging month easy.

• 3 Jewels
• 4 Noble Truths
• 8-fold path
• 5 Aggregates
• 4 Immesurables
• 10 Perfections
• 37 Qualities in 7 sets
• 4 frames of reference
• 4 right exertions
• 4 bases of power
• 5 faculties
• 5 strengths
• 7 factors of enlightenment
• 8-fold path (again)
• 3 Marks of existance
• 5 Precepts
• 8 Precepts (5 + 3 more)
• 10 Precepts (because 8 wasn’t enough)
• 10 Defilements
• 5 Hindrances
• 4 Stages of enlightenment

• Innumerable Buddhas

I don’t care about enlightenment. This isn’t false modesty, I don’t doubt that there some state of being in which one perceives and groks the nature of existence but such a state seems so distant from my daily mental locus that it’s like looking at the moon; beautiful but infinitely out of reach. I struggle just to not be a dick to people in my immediate vicinity

I think dharma names are silly. Maybe it’s because I did the whole goth thing back in the 90s and hung out with people who referred to themselves with fanciful names dripping with angst and import (you know who you are). I think it’s great that Rob Wierzbaski from Scranton has taken up meditation and instruction from a saffron robed teacher from the roof of the world. I admire his dedication and the discipline of the vows he has undertaken. When, however, he is referred to or refers to himself as Tendo Dorje I either have to stifle either a smirk or a sneer.

I’m suspicious of dharma transmission. I have a very different and more mundane take on the Flower Sermon. The Buddha silently holds up a flower, everyone is wrapped up in what he means by this, one person, looking at the flower, smiles. I’m sure that somewhere an enlightened tulku just had a shooting pain in his left arm as a result of how wrong I am but it honestly makes more sense to me than mental telepathy.

I masturbate about as frequently as I meditate. Okay, a lot more frequently. I sometimes wonder if there’s really that much of a difference but, in general, I’m far more relaxed after one than I am the other.

I have an Indonesian style Buddha head statue on my desk that was given to me as a wonderful gift by my loving wife. I don’t bow to him. I don’t pay homage to him. Truth be told, I don’t even dust him all that often. I do, however, wonder what music he listens to when I use him as a rack for my headphones.

I guess when it comes down to it there is a lot about Buddhism that speaks to me. The Four Noble Truths make sense although I’ll admit the third is a leap of faith. A lot of the things you’re supposed to strive for as a Buddhist strike me as things we could use more of in the world. Kindness, introspection, inner and outer peace, all pretty good things.

I saw Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back as a kid and wanted to be wise like Yoda. I had a philosophy professor in college who one said I had sainthood within my grasp which is a hell of an ego boost for a twenty-something year old but, in retrospect, is more like a gypsy curse that has taken the form of the 800 pound gorilla of unrealized potential.

Anyway, time to wash the dishes and vacuum the house.

I’m going to go tickle her now.

I’m happy to say I didn’t have to read it but told the story without consulting my notes although it wasn’t exactly word for word. I did, however, add some dramatic flair and the discussion afterwards was no less interesting than any other time.

The Gentle Art of Zen Mondo

The Joshu region of Japan is known for the dry winds that bluster down from the mountains and for the konnyaku plants that grow in the fields. The plants’ potato-like tubers are sliced and dried, then boiled and shaped into deliciously chewy patties, which are also called, simply, konnyaku.

In southern Joshu, on the outskirts of the town of Annaka, there lived a konnyaku maker named Roku. Born and raised in Edo, he might have spent his whole life there, but a tendency to drink heavily, gamble unluckily, and frequent houses of ill repute made that untenable. Having exhausted a lifetime’s worth of credit in just 20-some years, he left the big city behind, worked hard to learn his present trade, and was eventually able to set up his own shop. He had a certain charisma and soon came to be seen as the unofficial head of his neighborhood. Occasionally, young men who had been living too fast in Edo would show up on Roku’s doorstep and he never failed to help them.

Hachigoro showed up in somewhat worse shape than most. Not only had he parted with his last yen, but due to a bout of venereal disease, he had lost all of the hair on his head as well. Roku, though, saw this loss as a possible advantage and said, “I think I may have a job tailor-made for you.”

The nearby temple had been without a resident monk, without a bikkhu, that is, for some time. Gonsuke, the temple boy kept the place tidy, but he was too young to take over as head bikkhu. Hachigoro didn’t know a sutra from a koan, but he was old enough. “And besides,” added Roku, “you’ve got the look. Your head is pre-shaved! Come on, you can wing the rest.”

Thus Hachigoro was appointed head bikkhu. The original plan was to have Gonsuke give him a crash course in the basics of Buddhist ritual and, in fact, they did manage to pull off a funeral together. However, they also spent quite a bit of time over dice, with Hachigoro teaching Gonsuke the basics of gambling ritual. As a result, novice Head bikkhu Hachigoro was grossly unprepared when, one bright morning, a traveling bikkhu appeared at the gate and issued a mondo dialogue challenge.

Gonsuke met this real, bona fide bikkhu out at the gate and returned to the temple pale and short of breath. “Now we’re in trouble,” he told Hachigoro. “You can’t turn him away. In Zen Buddhism, and this is a Zen temple, you know, if a bikkhu is challenged to a mondo dialogue, he must accept. And if defeated, he must hand his temple over to the challenger.” Hachigoro rubbed his bald head and whined, “You mean he’s trying to drive me out of my own temple? That’s not fair. I don’t do mondo!”

The two decided to do the only sensible thing. Hachigoro hid in the closet and Gonsuke told the traveling bikkhu that his master was out of town. The bikkhu replied that he would return tomorrow, and the next day if necessary. In fact, he would come every day for the next year.

When the coast was clear, Hachigoro emerged from the closet, sneezed, and declared that they had better take the statue of Buddha and the other paraphernalia, skip town, and sell everything to an antique dealer. He and Gonsuke were busy packing when Roku came by to see how ritual practice was going. “Zen dialogue?!” he guffawed, “What are you worried about? That mondo mumbo jumbo, how hard can it be?”

“Harder than konnyaku, I’m afraid,” sighed Gonsuke.

“No sweat. I bet the guy’s bluffing. I’ll tell you what: tomorrow I’ll dress up as head bikkhu and we’ll see if he’s for real.”

The statue of Buddha was returned to its pedestal. Next morning when the traveling bikkhu arrived as promised, Roku was waiting for him in the main hall, seated in full regalia with his head freshly shaved.

After a deep bow, the challenger posed his first question: “When wind blows through a pine tree, a unique sound is made. Respectfully I ask, is it the voice of the wind, or the voice of the pine?”

Roku hadn’t a clue, so he said nothing and simply glared. At first, the traveling bikkhu was puzzled, but then it dawned on him that this was surely the advanced, deeply esoteric “silent mondo” technique. He nodded, closed his eyes for a moment, then glaring back, he placed both hands in front of his chest and made a circle with his thumbs and forefingers.

Roku shook his head and held up both arms in a big circle. Next the traveling bikkhu thrust out both hands with his 10 fingers spread. Roku responded by thrusting out his right hand only, fingers spread. The challenger bowed in acceptance, and held out his right hand with just three fingers raised. Roku threw his head back and, with his right hand, pointed to his right eye. With that, the challenger sighed, stood up, and walked out.

Gonsuke had been watching the entire mondo from a crack between the sliding doors. Still, he didn’t know what to make of the exchange, so he ran after the departing bikkhu and asked how it had gone.

“Well, I made a circle in front of my chest, asking your master, of course, about the state of the human soul. He responded with a large circle, meaning “as spacious as the spheres.” Then I inquired about the Ten Directions of the world. He indicated that the Five Great Laws would preserve them. When I asked about the Three Great Teachings, he pointed out that they are always here right before our eyes. That’s when I realized he was far too enlightened an opponent for me. I’ll return years from now, once I’ve attained a deeper understanding.”

Gonsuke was truly impressed. Who would have imagined that Roku, the konnyaku maker, was a Zen expert!?

But back inside the temple, he found Roku fuming: “That bastard must have passed by my shop and seen me working or something. He starts his mondo thing, but then stops, gives me a good looking over and a knowing little nod. I could tell he recognized me, dammit, because he made the shape of a konnyaku with his fingers. He was saying, ‘Your konnyaku’s about this small,’ so I made a jumbo konnyaku with both arms to show him how wrong he was. Then he asks, ‘How much for 10?’ So I show him, you know, 5 yen. Now get this! That bikkhu asked for a stinking discount — ‘Give ‘em to me for 3 yen.’ Well, that’s when I told him to stick it in his eye!”

 

 

It’s pretty nondenominational in terms of the school of Buddhism. While the previous James seemed more involved with the local Tibetans, Jim is decidedly zen in his leanings. It’s probably best described as Reformed Western Buddhism.

The central UU webside still lists James Owenby as the primary contact and links to a URL that no longer exists. I’ll have to talk to Jim about getting that fixed at some point.

• Graveyard fence
• Some graves
• The scarecrow
• The spiderweb
• The hanged man
• The cannibal witch

I’m making a ghost out of a zombie/ghoul that didn’t survive last year. I have most of the pieces but need to make a quick trip to the hardware store tomorrow morning for a few last minute supplies and some lighting that I’m missing.

I’m going to have the ghost up for sure and I’m going to do my best to get the graveyard gateposts and gargoyles up by this time next week.

Left to do

• Ghost over garage
• Better lighting for graveyard and flickering bulbs for the porch light
• Gateposts for graveyard
• Cobwebs
• Fog machine system test
• Burn another spooky music CD

I completely spaced on getting a projector this year so my idea of showing old silent horror movies (Nosferatu etc) projected onto the inside of the upstairs window will need to wait until next year. Although, as I write this, I realize that the words would be reversed when seen from the outside so sometime in the next year I’ll need to rip a set of movies from DVD and mirror them so they look right when viewed from the outside. I’ll just have to put a silhouette in the window with a strobe like I did last year.

Lets look at what they have going for them

1. Beautiful – you never read about a homely elf, they’re all ethereal and beautiful
2. Live practically forever – barring accident the either never die or live a ridiculously long time
3. Good health – they’re usually immune to disease and the complaints of mere mortals. Seriously, when did you ever read about an elf complaining about their sciatica?
4. Good at everything – I guess if you can spend twenty years perfecting the G chord on your mandolin you can’t help but be ridiculously good at whatever you set your mind to learning.

So what’s not to like? Well, lets take a look.

They’re vaguely racist . Elves pretty much reek of condescension. The lowest elf on the garland wrapped pole still knows that he’s going to outlive just about anyone else and in better health. Sure they’ll smile and be polite but it’s the politeness adults afford to the three year old who has wandered into the conversation.

They’re lazy. Orcs come in and burn down one of your mystic towers? Tree spirits forbid that you actually, oh I don’t know, rebuild it. No, a better use of your time is to spend the next fifty years writing a song about how beautiful it was. Which brings me to their mortal sin…

They’re emo hipsters. The thing that absolutely sets my teeth on edge about Tolkien’s elves is that they are irredeemably wrapped up in how things just aren’t as cool as they used to be.  You think the ruins of this vast decaying elf city deep in the heart of the forest are beautiful? You should have seen it back when humans were still inventing fire and cracking each other over the head with rocks. Nothing is as good as it was and so they spend their timeless, endless youth sighing about how cool things were before your civilization was even founded. That was my epiphany, they live in a constant state of nostalgia.

Barring accident or violence they live their functionally eternal lives, enjoying permanent youth, vigor and beauty complaining about how the sprinkles on their double chocolate sundae existence aren’t quite the right color and the sorrows of knowing that the fallen city of Cuiviénen had sprinkles of just the right shade.

How’s your oatmeal, human? Cold enough?